Shea vs. the unclassified spider

Sounds like a children's book, eh? Well this is no fairytale. I'd classify this one under Sci-Fi or Horror. Yeah.

It started when I woke up this morning. I'm going to the bathroom with my door open since I'm home alone and I see it. A brown spider the size of my palm. I watch as it shifts its weight, staring at me. Slowly, all while I'm still peeing, it crawls under my bed.

HORROR OF HORRORS!

What is worse than a spider in your room? A spider hiding under your bed where you can't see it! Panic sets in, and I'm horrified.

An hour and a half goes by, and no sign of the eight-legged monster. In that hour and a half, I sat on my kitchen counter (away from the floor!) and read about the best ways to kill a spider. A mortal mistake. You know what happens when you google that? Pictures of spiders come up! And you read that there's a spider called a brown recluse that is POISONOUS. Great. I also found out that spraying a spider with just about anything will kill it. Spiders breathe through their skin. Spraying them suffocates them.

My weapons of choice: Raid wasp/hornet, Hot Shot wasp/hornet and Redken 23 forceful hairspray.

So now I wait.

Finally it emerges on the other side of my bed. Hairspray in hand, I decide it's best to wait for it to crawl farther away from my bed. (More spray time before it darts under the bed away from me) well, after a few minutes it retreats under the bed again. Great.

I'm ashamed to say this. I'm on the phone with my mom and I BREAK DOWN. The spider is out of my reach. How will I sleep if I can't find it? How did it get in? My skin is crawling. Mom calms me down and assures me it will come back out and I will kill it.

Worst of all, I don't know the species of spider. My brother is bug identifier extraordinaire. (Thanks to Mrs. Crouse the Biology teacher). He hasn't seen it but doesn't know what it is by my description. Ahhh. It's better to know your enemy.

30 minutes later the spider is by my desk. Perfect. Maximum spray time. I have to do it. I get the Hot Shot in hand. Shaking, I hold the thing like it's a high caliber gun and douse it. My carpet is a monsoon of white Hot Shot spray. I empty the rest of the can and it is STILL walking. Who is this thing? Batman?! I run in the living room to grab Raid. I spray as much as possible until it goes back under my bed.

SURELY THIS THING IS DEAD.

I have a coughing fit because of the fumes. Surely I suffocated this thing. My room is practically a death chamber. As of yet, no sign of the spider.

My bug man was already supposed to be coming to spray today. So when he comes, that sucker will be gone for good. And hopefully identified.