The Bachelorette: Episode 4

I will guard and protect your heart.

Ali, I want to guard and protect your heart.

I want someone to guard and protect my heart.

Ali, will you jump in my heart and stay a while so that I can guard and protect your heart?

WE GET IT KASEY. (Kasey got the first one on one.) You obviously failed the psych evaluation but the producers ignored it and put you on the show because, let's face it, psycho people make good reality TV. Honestly, that helicopter/museum date was constructed to be perfect. But it was a raging disaster. Take note, Kasey: impromptu, can't-hold-a-tune-in-a-bucket singing is not a good idea. Especially when you sound like Kermit the Frog. Did you notice her reaction? She gave the lifted eyebrows, head nodding bit. Not good, not good. Singing a second time was even worse. You were freaking her out! It MIGHT have been okay if you weren't a psycho and you had a voice like Michael Buble. I don't think there's anything else to be said about this date. (Other than how goofy it was that all the security guards were trying to scurry out of the camera's way since Ali and Kasey "had the whole museum to themsleves...") Ali, you should've sent him home then and there. I know she was thinking he was just nervous, but she's in for some trouble.

The group date was next. But we might as well call the group date Roberto's one on one. But he got it right. He was a terrible singer; I half expected Simon Cowell to come out of nowhere screaming. BUT he sang TO Ali. How precious, right? (I, personally, melted when Jesse sang. He was the only one with a decent voice.) Kirk's reaction cracked me up: "What? Why didn't I think of that?!" Someone, Kirk or Jonathan, called Roberto Rico Suave. Bahaha. Then all the guys had to watch Ali and Roberto's intertwined bodies practice and perform their Lion King dance. How horrible for them! That situation was a breeding ground for drama. Enter, Jonathan. We already know the guy is insecure and couldn't plant a passionate kiss on a woman if his life depended on it. But now he starts panicking. HE wanted that time with Ali. The rest of the date the weatherman is a spiraling mess. Once the Roberto section of the date is over, Ali and the guys go back to some kind of bar to hang out. Tension is high sine no one has had time with Ali. More panicking from Jonathan. Meanwhile, Ali and Craig are having a intimate conversation when Jonathan tries to interrupt and steal Ali. Typical Bachelorette fashion, yes? NO. Ali and Craig don't let Jonathan do this. (What?) Kirk, like Roberto, also did something right on this date: He told Ali to go to her room and get some sleep because she was sick. How adorable! It ends up working in his favor as he gets to tuck her in for the night. SO sweet. All the other guys are positive that Kirk is getting freaky with Ali, but he was a perfect gentleman. Go Kirk! No one gets a rose because Ali is feeling sick.

Kasey disappears and no one know where he is. We know he is out getting a tattoo, which I was positive was of Ali's name. Turns out it's of a shield protecting a heart. Shutter. To make things creepier, there are 11 diamonds on it for the 11 men left. Ah! And why did he lie to the guys in the house? I have no idea. Maybe he didn't want anyone else to copy his idea and also get a tattoo for Ali. Chyeah right.

Chris L. gets the final one on one. I thought for sure that Ali was going to ditch the date altogether. But, Chris ended up getting a better deal out of this thing. The date was more real life and very chill. And bringing chicken noodle soup and flower? Major points, Chris L. Major points. Loved the date. Loved them. I'm really glad they DIDN'T fly his dad out for the birthday dinner. That would have been so Jason Mesnick of the show. The birthday phone call was enough. It was sweet. Mad props to Ali for pulling herself together, although quite disheveled, and going on the date. Chris L. gets a rose.

The cocktail party and rose ceremony are up next. Drama, yes? Someone, anyone, should have told Ali about Kasey's sketch tattoo. I have no doubt Kasey would have been sent home if she had seen it. But I guess Frank is to blame since Kasey was trying to tell Ali when Frank interrupted. Chris N., who is that? He's like batman; never seen but always there. I hope he gets more airtime next week! Jesse and weatherman Jonathan are sent home this week.

Letters to the fallen:

Jesse, I'm sad to see you go. I was a fan. But, the chemistry with Ali just wasn't there. Too bad. Find me, Jesse!

Jonathan, I'm glad you were able to embrace the jokes and make fun of yourself as the weatherman. You and Ali just didn't have it.

See you both on The Bachelor Pad!

Now my top picks are: Kirk, Roberto, Chris L, Frank

Next week: Iceland, volcanoes and love!

There's hope.

I love Girl Meets Gown on WE. I was immediately enthralled. It's filmed at Stardust in Plano. It's about girls who are shopping for their wedding dresses. Of course I love it! Well, a few episodes ago, there was this girl. She was a seminary student and she was looking for the perfect dress for her forest wedding. She wasn't like all the other brides. No whining, crying or demanding screams. And you could just tell, there was genuine love between her and her fiance.

Well, one of my best friends Megan also saw this episode. Megan could be a private investigator, honestly. She loves stalking people and she is fabulous at it. So, she messaged me with link to the husband's blog. (Not that it was that hard to find, but it's just in her personality.)

This blog gives me hope. There is a perfect fairytale love story for me. And God is orchestrating it--not Nicholas Sparks or Taylor Swift. Jessica and Sam's story is beautiful. It just proves that God is in every situation. Megan said it to me and I'll say it to you...I'm holding out for something like this.

Read it and weep, people: "My Love Story..."

June Obsessions.

I have fallen in love twice so far in June.

No. 1 TOMS Wedges

Are these not the most fantastic pair of heels? There's no doubt they're sinfully comfortable. They are the perfect pair of summer wedges. And don't forget, they're TOMS so it's buy a pair and another gets sent to a child without shoes. I am guessing (and hoping) that if I buy these wedges that TOMS will be sending the flat version of the shoe to a child....not a heel.

No. 2 iPhone 4

It's even more beautiful than I imagined. (Okay, so we all saw the prototype that was leaked. But everything looks sexier when Steve Jobs is showing it on a giant screen during the keynote.) My brother and I were glued to the liveblog on GDGT. Every few seconds one of us would say, "Did you see that?!" This is the biggest step the iPhone has taken since it was originally created in 2007. There are two cameras: one rear and one front. The front is for FaceTime. Amazing. iMovie will be available for download on this intelligent little device. Everyone's a journalist now, really. News organizations used to get raw footage from younger smart phones. But now, you don't even have to send it in. You can be your own news source--edited video and all. iBooks will also be a part. (Kindle, you thought you were in trouble with the iPad? Now you really have no chance.) Then there's the retina display and the gyroscope...which I can't even begin to comprehend. Both of which I know makes the iPhone 4 all the more visually appealing and perfected. Am I pre-ordering next week, you ask? You bet your bottom dollar.

The Bachelorette: Episode 3

So I've decided to blog weekly about the Bachelorette. Not because the show is the most important thing in the world, but it's something that I watch regularly and I need to get in the habit of blogging on a regular basis. Here goes.

This season sort of seems like a repeat of other seasons--right down to the contestants. Craig (who thank goodness went home last week) was David from Jillian's season. From the sour attitude and argumentative nature right down to the bulging eyes. Weatherman Jonathan is Juan from Jillian's season. Combine the crying, the "worrying" about other guys in the house and mousy personality and you've got Juan and the weatherman. Kirk is a lot like Michael from Jillian's season. Kirk finally kisses Ali and practically mimics Michael's words when he says "Ali really likes me!" And Justin is the new Wes. They say love don't come easy, Justin. Especially when you piss off all the guys in the house. The dates are also seeming like repeats, but I'll get to that later.

Now for this week. The first one-on-one date went to Roberto, the baseball player. At first I wasn't a Roberto fan; I just thought all Ali wanted to do was sleep with him. But, after Roberto offered to play catch with Ali in the front of the house my opinion changed. (It's also possible I'm biased since baseball boys are definitely my type). I was having deja vu on this date though. Remember Jillian's date with Ed? They did a zip line between buildings. However, the date was pretty throw-up-a-little-in-your-mouth-cute though. Halfway down the tightrope, Roberto stops her (21 stories up, mind you) and they have their first kiss. Made me want to vomit? A bit. Adorable? Certainly. The chemistry between them is definitely there. I mean, come on, "I can always tell how I like a guy by the way we cuddle" ? I laughed a bit. But overall, great date. Roberto gets the rose. I see Roberto going to the final three at least.

Next was the group date. Ali and the guys make a music video with the Barenaked Ladies. Seems pretty harmless, right? That is until the guys receive their different scenes with Ali. Weatherman immediately begins to panic. He has a passionate kiss with librarian Ali. Please believe there were tears all through the day. When he is filming with her, he walks in to grab her for a passionate kiss...but there is no kiss. Just a hug. Take two. Ali kisses Weatherman. Many takes later they get it right. Poor Ali, that whole scene was just awkward. Then there was Kirk who had a bedroom scene and not nervous at all. He was more like psyched to roll around in the sack with the bachelorette, with all the guys and camera crew watching. The guys start getting uncomfortable and jealous and decide to walk away and not watch. Frank was one of those guys. Side note on Frank: Ali is not your girlfriend, bud. The whole episode Frank is panicking about Ali being with other guys. You signed up for THE BACHELORETTE, the most incestuous television show. Please stop whining. Go back to funny Frank. But I do give him props for getting slapped by Ali nine times in a row. But Kirk's scene went well. The scene kept going after hearing "cut!" two times! I felt bad for John C. He got one take and all he had to do was get in the tub with Ali as she got out. Poor guy never had a chance to make the sparks fly. Then all the guys head to a wrap party where Ali and Kirk get it on in the hot tub, Justin pouts because he couldn't get in the pool and the bad music video is shown. I loved that Cape Cod Chris opened up. He's adorable. But I still can't decide if the mother signature tattoo is sweet or creepy. Kirk gets the group date rose. One complaint on this date--I wanted to see more Jesse! I think he's positively adorable. I don't think I even know what his scene was, but I did catch a little glimpse of his solid, tatted up bod in the pool. Weeeeee.

Now comes the drama. Justin decides he needs to see Ali, to prove to her he's "here for the right reasons." Sounding Wes-like again, Justin. He hobbles all the way to Ali's house to talk to her. Okay, he definitely couldn't have sneaked out. (I really wanted to say "snuck," but that's a grammatical sin.) The mansion is crawling with security guards. The guys aren't supposed to leave. He obviously got permission because hello ABC is trying to make good TV. What really gets me about this though is how he didn't tell any of the guys he did it. Hunter gets the second one-on-one and he begins to brag about how he'll be the first one to see Ali's house. Justin stays silent. No, he's not being the bigger person by keeping it to himself. Every person watching knows what's going on and he's trying to make Hunter look like an idiot.

But anyway, Hunter's date is next. They cooked burgers. I think these sort of dates are important further into the process. After the fancy, ritzy dates the couples need to see how they interact in more real life situations. But it was too early for this. Plus, it was incredibly boring. I could practically hear the crickets chirping when they were in the hot tub...that wasn't so hot. I knew after Hunter kissed her shoulder and then she moved away from him that Hunter was doomed. And she kept doing her polite, yet annoying, laugh. And her polite "Mmhmm-ing." Hunter was sent home without a rose.

Now the cocktail party and rose ceremony. First I must say...Jesse, babe, I know you've never owned a suit before this show, but what was the with all the denim? Really. Denim shirts are only okay when you're at a cowboy-themed party. It's okay Jesse, I forgive you. You're too sweet. The Justin drama returns. After Roberto tells Ali he's worried about Justin's intentions, Ali tells him about Justin's visit. Then begins the section of the episode that resembles 13 middle school girls. Roberto tells Ty, Craig, Jesse and others. (Ty and Craig were quite annoying this episode as well. Stop complaining about everything! Also, I keep excepting Craig to say "Ma, Robert is poking me!" a la Everybody Loves Raymond) Then the boys confront Jesse who claims he is being sacrificed. In the end, John C. and Steve were sent home. I felt bad for Steve, he made a little picnic and everything.

So far my picks are: Jesse, Chris L., Kirk, Roberto.

'Til next week!

Sprinkles.

I have a new, well somewhat new, addiction.

Sprinkles Cupcakes.

The single best $3 cupcake you will ever have in your life ever ever.

Walking into the bakery feels like you're walking into Beverly Hills. That's because the first Sprinkles was opened in the Hills. They expanded and several years ago and opened one on Preston.

Oprah featured them on her "favorite things" show several years ago and I thought it was insanity. $3 for ONE CUPCAKE? She said that everyone should have it once in their life.

It wasn't until I went that first time and ordered a signature red velvet cupcake that I fell in love. That bite was delicious. You have to savor every single bite. These cupcakes aren't meant to be eaten with your bare hands. A fork is required for the full indulgence.

It's a little piece of heaven. (Especially the red velvet and the peanut butter cupcakes!)

Let's just say, it's a good thing that Sprinkles isn't just down the street from my apartment. Or else I'd way 500lbs.

Phases.

During every phase of life, there are things that happen to every person. These are the things we talk about.

In the single age years (1-9), it's losing teeth. It's getting on the honor roll. It's collecting rolly polleys in a sand bucket.

In the preteen/early teen years (10-14), it's finding the courage to talk to that boy you have a crush on. It's getting on braces. It's making the team.

In the teen years (15-19), it's your first real date. It's getting your driver's license. It's your first love. It's becoming the age of majority and getting to vote.

Then there's the 20s. Yup, that's me. I'm in this phase and it seems anything is fair game. A lot of things are "supposed" to happen in your 20s:

Your first apartment. Turning 21. Graduating and scoring a great job. Finding "the one." Getting engaged. Getting married. Having babies.

Gag. me. now.

Maybe I'm a bit bitter that I've completed only one of the those tasks. But here's my thing, EVERY SINGLE PERSON is getting engaged, getting married and having babies. Every time I turn around there's another diamond ring profile picture. And honestly, I'm pretty tired of having it shoved in my face.

Yes, you are engaged. Yes, you are a newlywed. Yes, you've landed the perfect job. Please.

(On my side note, my current annoyance is when people use facebook as a way to "flaunt" their lives. If you're happy, be happy. But if you're trying to make your life look superior to others, chances are you are spending more time making your profile look that way than you actually are living happily.)

I guess this 20s phase is better than the alternative. The older we get, the bleaker it gets. I'm not ready to hear about my friend's kids going to college. Or my best friend hitting menopause. Or people from my high school class dying of old age. So I guess I'm stuck here. In my 20s. Watching happiness unfold at every corner.

I'm a twenty-something. Leave me alone.

Lazy.

This is for the random guy I always see but never meet.

Everyone has lazy days, yes? Sometimes even a lazy week. Well, I've been having a lazy SEMESTER. Partly because I've been sick for precisely 50 percent of it.

A lazy day usually entails this:

Set alarm for last minute possible.

Wake up.

Pee.

Change clothes.

Brush teeth.

Leave.

This doesn't exactly leave time for the beautification process.

(Sidenote: If my brother is reading this right now, he will say, "Shea you look pretty without makeup on!" However, on various occasions he's been embarrassed to go to the mall with me when I'm wearing nike shorts and a ponytail with no makeup. This is partly because everyone always thinks we're dating. But I digress.)

On those days I leave the house in jeans and a T-shirt with no makeup, I'm exhausted and just want to get class over. But a lot of times, I see this one person who is always "Hollistered" out. Then he looks me over and most likely rolls his eyes behind his oh-so-fashionable sunglasses and deems me not suitable for society.

But to you I say...seriously? Just because you think you're the hottest thing to walk this earth doesn't mean I should wear my prom dress to class. (As another note: PLEASE do not wear heels to class. Honestly.)

Perhaps I'm grungy because I had strep and had thrown up six hours before on the previous day. Did you think about that?

Maybe I sound witchy here. But it's my personal blog here where I'm allowed to complain within reason.

What gets me though is that I actually LET those imaginary looks get to me. (because they are indeed imaginary. I've never actually witnessed a dirty look.) But it shouldn't get to me. I am who I am. And if I meet my future husband on a lazy day, I'll put on sunglasses and hide behind a tree.

Okay, not really. But it wouldn't matter.

So to the transport to the dark basement which is the journalism world, I feel like I'm competing in Miss America. But then I arrive at the GAB and remember that every other journalist is exhausted and only lives from story to story too. I'm not alone in this.