Ali, I want to guard and protect your heart.
I want someone to guard and protect my heart.
Ali, will you jump in my heart and stay a while so that I can guard and protect your heart?
WE GET IT KASEY. (Kasey got the first one on one.) You obviously failed the psych evaluation but the producers ignored it and put you on the show because, let's face it, psycho people make good reality TV. Honestly, that helicopter/museum date was constructed to be perfect. But it was a raging disaster. Take note, Kasey: impromptu, can't-hold-a-tune-in-a-bucket singing is not a good idea. Especially when you sound like Kermit the Frog. Did you notice her reaction? She gave the lifted eyebrows, head nodding bit. Not good, not good. Singing a second time was even worse. You were freaking her out! It MIGHT have been okay if you weren't a psycho and you had a voice like Michael Buble. I don't think there's anything else to be said about this date. (Other than how goofy it was that all the security guards were trying to scurry out of the camera's way since Ali and Kasey "had the whole museum to themsleves...") Ali, you should've sent him home then and there. I know she was thinking he was just nervous, but she's in for some trouble.
The group date was next. But we might as well call the group date Roberto's one on one. But he got it right. He was a terrible singer; I half expected Simon Cowell to come out of nowhere screaming. BUT he sang TO Ali. How precious, right? (I, personally, melted when Jesse sang. He was the only one with a decent voice.) Kirk's reaction cracked me up: "What? Why didn't I think of that?!" Someone, Kirk or Jonathan, called Roberto Rico Suave. Bahaha. Then all the guys had to watch Ali and Roberto's intertwined bodies practice and perform their Lion King dance. How horrible for them! That situation was a breeding ground for drama. Enter, Jonathan. We already know the guy is insecure and couldn't plant a passionate kiss on a woman if his life depended on it. But now he starts panicking. HE wanted that time with Ali. The rest of the date the weatherman is a spiraling mess. Once the Roberto section of the date is over, Ali and the guys go back to some kind of bar to hang out. Tension is high sine no one has had time with Ali. More panicking from Jonathan. Meanwhile, Ali and Craig are having a intimate conversation when Jonathan tries to interrupt and steal Ali. Typical Bachelorette fashion, yes? NO. Ali and Craig don't let Jonathan do this. (What?) Kirk, like Roberto, also did something right on this date: He told Ali to go to her room and get some sleep because she was sick. How adorable! It ends up working in his favor as he gets to tuck her in for the night. SO sweet. All the other guys are positive that Kirk is getting freaky with Ali, but he was a perfect gentleman. Go Kirk! No one gets a rose because Ali is feeling sick.
Kasey disappears and no one know where he is. We know he is out getting a tattoo, which I was positive was of Ali's name. Turns out it's of a shield protecting a heart. Shutter. To make things creepier, there are 11 diamonds on it for the 11 men left. Ah! And why did he lie to the guys in the house? I have no idea. Maybe he didn't want anyone else to copy his idea and also get a tattoo for Ali. Chyeah right.
Chris L. gets the final one on one. I thought for sure that Ali was going to ditch the date altogether. But, Chris ended up getting a better deal out of this thing. The date was more real life and very chill. And bringing chicken noodle soup and flower? Major points, Chris L. Major points. Loved the date. Loved them. I'm really glad they DIDN'T fly his dad out for the birthday dinner. That would have been so Jason Mesnick of the show. The birthday phone call was enough. It was sweet. Mad props to Ali for pulling herself together, although quite disheveled, and going on the date. Chris L. gets a rose.
The cocktail party and rose ceremony are up next. Drama, yes? Someone, anyone, should have told Ali about Kasey's sketch tattoo. I have no doubt Kasey would have been sent home if she had seen it. But I guess Frank is to blame since Kasey was trying to tell Ali when Frank interrupted. Chris N., who is that? He's like batman; never seen but always there. I hope he gets more airtime next week! Jesse and weatherman Jonathan are sent home this week.
Letters to the fallen:
Jesse, I'm sad to see you go. I was a fan. But, the chemistry with Ali just wasn't there. Too bad. Find me, Jesse!
Jonathan, I'm glad you were able to embrace the jokes and make fun of yourself as the weatherman. You and Ali just didn't have it.
See you both on The Bachelor Pad!
Now my top picks are: Kirk, Roberto, Chris L, Frank
Next week: Iceland, volcanoes and love!
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